How To Know You Are Ready For Fatherhood
From conception to birth we are dependent creatures. Our developing and growth through teenager to adulthood are movements toward self-dependence. Our identity as individuals is not complete until we move away from parents and decide to be on our own. At this stage of life we have the option to choose again to become dependent on someone else or not. We have arrived at a point in life when we begin to choose voluntarily to become dependent.
It’s normal to have mixed feelings about becoming a father for the first time. Parents-to-be often fear they are about to lose what they value most – freedom. Becoming a parent is scary for everyone, but it is especially frightening for people who have tense3 or angry relationship with their parents because when they think about fatherhood the image that comes to mind is so negative.
Marriage is a chosen act – a process involving a person’s will and desire. It is deliberate placing of oneself in subjection to another person. Marriage is a commitment involving two people who choose to be deeply dependent on each other. Men who consider marriage need to think about dependence. If they have just spent much time and energy becoming independent, they may not wish to share decisions and choices with someone else. They may need time to enjoy their newfound freedom before thinking of marriage and fatherhood because taking care of children requires the decision of both parents.
One sign that a young man is ready for fatherhood is when he is able to look beyond self; when he begins to care about other’s feelings as much as his own feelings and demonstrates a capacity to reach out.
Before a man decides to be a father, he must have enough money to meet the added expenses the arrival of a new child will cause. Some men face bringing a child to the world with a positive attitude and no adequate funds. When such a man is asked how he intends to take care of the child and mother he will say, “We’ll manage.” This is obviously not the reply a serious father will give.
Some persons get married mainly to be cared for, not to care for someone else. When a man marries, he takes on the responsibility of caring for his wife and children for the rest of his life. A significant issue to a young man who is considering fatherhood is whether or not he is prepared to assume such responsibility. Consider for a moment how you will feel if your children are depraved of essential things of life. How will you feel if they are sick and cannot see a doctor due to lack of funds? The man has on his shoulders the burden that upon his success and failure of carrying it lies the happiness of his family.
Pregnancy is a time of heightened emotions and the prospect of the father running away can easily overwhelm a woman’s coping ability. When a man runs away from fatherhood the motivation is fear, not personal rejection of his wife. Therefore a man must be emotional matured before contemplating of marriage. When a father runs away, the mother experiences a double loss. She loses her love relationship and she loses the dream of raising her baby in a two-parent family, with mother and father sharing the joys and the hardship. For many women, these losses are severe enough to trigger depression.
A sound way, however, to plan for fatherhood is to have some money. There is enough anxiety in the experience of giving birth to a child without having to worry about money on which to take care. Financial dependence always breeds emotional dependence.
At times, whether or not the lending parents, lends subtly or openly, they place uncomfortable pressure on the young couple. For this reason, it is strongly recommended that young men who plan to become fathers spend time planning to support his family from the beginning.
Some men plan to become father with the hope that their parents will provide for the financial need at first. While that plan at times can be workable as a temporary solution, it fails more than it works. This is because the young man who is dependent on his parents financially finds it difficult to set up a home apart from the parents.